A Cheat Sheet To Give The Right Wine To Your Office Spouse For The Holidays

December 9th, 2013 by InfectedTube

The right wine for your office spouse (syrah!) among others. Check them out:

Office Gift Cheat Sheet For Wine

12 Celebrity Made Wines For Each Day Of Christmas [Infographic]

December 9th, 2013 by InfectedTube

Celebrities make wine. Who knew. Can’t wait for some Dan Akroyd Ghostbusters wine!

Celebrity Wines For The Holidays

(via VinePair)

Step One: Drill Baby Drill. Step Two: Spill Baby Spill

May 31st, 2010 by InfectedTube

It’s been a long time…but we’re finally ready to unveil the latest InfectedTube Original – Drill Baby Drill, Spill Baby Spill.

Visit the t-shirt/hat shop and tell the world: Drill Baby Drill. Spill Baby Spill.

And don’t miss our Palin Beck 2012 Bumper Stickers!

The Animated George Costanza Whale Story From The Seinfeld Marine Biologist Episode

April 9th, 2010 by InfectedTube

Via Gawker

When George Costanza uttered the words “the sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli” the world was forever changed. Now witness his monologue in elegant moving text.

Graphic designer Chris Crowl animated the 3D text using Adobe After Effects to create what you will surely agree is a beautiful and stylish rendering of the time George saved a beached whale and, for one brief shining moment, was a marine biologist.

Steve Jobs As The Pope: This don’t be evil mantra: “It’s bullshit.”

April 9th, 2010 by InfectedTube

Jobs, characteristically, did not mince words as he spoke to the assembled, according to a person who was there who could not be named because this person is not authorized by Apple to speak with the press.

On Google: We did not enter the search business, Jobs said. They entered the phone business. Make no mistake they want to kill the iPhone. We won’t let them, he says. Someone else asks something on a different topic, but there’s no getting Jobs off this rant. I want to go back to that other question first and say one more thing, he says. This don’t be evil mantra: “It’s bullshit.” Audience roars.

The Dumbest, Most Ignorant Quotes By Athletes Of All Time (Remix)

April 2nd, 2010 by InfectedTube

Athletes are special…sort of like Sarah Palin. They may be the best in the world at what they do, but when they open their mouths they sometimes say the darndest things! Today we present to you The Dumbest, Most Ignorant Quotes By Athletes Of All Time:

(If we missed any, let us know in the comments…)

Randy Moss
Randy MossIn 2005, Minnesota’s controversial wide receiver was fined $10,000 by the NFL for pretending to pull down his pants and moon the Green Bay crowd during a playoff win last weekend. When confronted by a reporter, the following exchange occurred:
Reporter: “Write the check yet, Randy?”

Moss: “When you’re rich you don’t write checks.”

Reporter: “If you don’t write checks, how do you pay these guys?”

Moss: “Straight cash, homey.”

Reporter: “Randy, are you upset about the fine?”

Moss: “No, cause it ain’t shit. Ain’t nothing but 10 grand. What’s 10 grand to me? Ain’t shit … Next time I might shake my dick.”

Lattrell Sprewell

Latrell SprewellNoted coach-choker Lattrell Sprewell neared the end of his career in Minnesota (where Randy Moss happened to be playing at the time…coincidence?). When it was time for a new contract Sprewell balked.

On October 31, 2004, the Minnesota Timberwolves offered Sprewell a 3-year, $21 million contract extension, substantially less than what his then-current contract paid him. Insulted, he publicly vented his outrage, declaring, “I have a family to feed.”

Funny thing happened after that…he never played basketball again, for any money. Turns out he could have used that $21 million dollars:

Sprewell’s personal life since he last played in the NBA has been plagued with controversy and financial trouble.

On August 30, 2006, Milwaukee police investigated a claim by a 21-year-old female who claimed that she and Sprewell were having consensual sex aboard his 70-foot (21 m) yacht, named “Milwaukee’s Best,” when Sprewell began to strangle her. Police allegedly observed red marks on the woman’s neck. Police investigating the allegation searched Sprewell’s yacht for evidence. On September 6, 2006, police indicated that he would not face any charges from the alleged incident. Sprewell is seeking a restraining order against the woman along with “civil remedies” against the accuser.

On January 31, 2007, Sprewell’s long term companion sued him for $200 million for ending their relationship agreement. She claims Sprewell agreed to support her and their four children since they were in college

On August 22, 2007, it was reported by multiple news agencies that Latrell Sprewell’s yacht was repossessed by federal marshals after Sprewell failed to maintain payments and insurance for the vessel, for which he reportedly still owed approximately $1.3 million. In addition, while piloted by Sprewell, the yacht was run ashore near Atwater Beach, just north of Milwaukee. Sprewell refused to contract with a professional salvage firm to remove the yacht. The yacht was eventually freed with the help of a local fishing vessel.

In February 2008, Sprewell’s yacht was auctioned for $856,000 after he defaulted on a $1.5 million mortgage, and in May 2008 a Milwaukee area home owned by Sprewell went into foreclosure status. In July 2009 a Westchester mansion owned by Sprewell went into foreclosure status. That action was dismissed on motion of another party’s attorney, Roger K. Marion.

Floyd Mayweather Jr.
Floyd MayweatherWhere do we even begin with Mr. Mayweather. Here we have a boxer who refused to fight Manny Pacquiao, in what would clearly be the biggest draw for that dying sport. Mayweather clearly is afraid of losing. So let’s review. Boxer. Bitch. Ignorant Ass. Stick with us here, because it all comes together. See Mayweather is on some sort of anti-performance enhancing drug mission, only he wasn’t on it until the idea of boxing against Pacquiao came up. Let’s go to a quote from The Examiner for an explanation of this mess (we promise the context is worth reading before we get to Mayweather’s quote): “If Floyd was so dedicated to equality in Boxing then why did it take him 40 fights, and 14 years after he turned pro, to start demanding equality? I’ve never heard Floyd demand Boxing, and the different Athletic Commissions, to add Steroids to their drug testing before they did. In fact, up until his encounter with Pacquiao, I never heard Floyd publicly “beat the drums” for any type of drug to be tested or any style of drug testing. And, according to Keith Kizer Executive Director of the Nevada State Athletic Commission, he has never petitioned the NSAC to make any changes even after his public outcry toward Pacquiao. loyd’s demands for Pacquiao to take the test are baseless. Pacquiao’s never tested positive for anything, and Floyd has never demanded any other fighter take additional blood tests before this Pacquiao encounter.”

And now, the Pièce de résistance:  “But it’s me taking a stand for something that means something. And it’s for the fighters who are up and coming. It’s sort of the same stance Martin Luther King and Malcolm X made, so we could have freedoms, so everybody could tell the world that we’re equal. The only thing I’m saying is that we are equal. So if you’re not on nothing and I’m not on nothing, then let’s go take the test. That’s all I’m saying.”

John Rocker

John Rocker
Noted racist/pitcher John Rocker played baseball in Atlanta, which is the ‘capital of the New South,’ a place that’s supposedly too busy to hate. Apparently John Rocker never got the memo.  When Sports Illustrated asked him about playing ball games outside of Dixie, in New York City in particular he let loose:

“I’d retire first. It’s the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark looking like you’re riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple  hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing… The biggest thing I don’t like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians  and Koreans  and Vietnamese  and Indians  and Russians  and Spanish  people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?”

Rocker eventually apologized. But apparently he got sick of apologizing: ““I know Hank [ Aaron ] and Jackie [ Robinson ] took a good deal of crap, but I guarantee it wasn’t for six years. I just keep thinking: How much am I supposed to take?”

Reggie Jackson

Reggie JacksonReggie Jackson, Mr. October, managed to spout something offensive/egotistical/insane nearly every time he opened his mouth.  Here are three of our favorites:

“After Jackie Robinson the most important black in baseball history is Reggie Jackson, I really mean that.”

“The only reason I don’t like playing in the World Series is I can’t watch myself play.”

“This team, it all flows from me. I’m the straw that stirs the drink. Maybe I should say me and Munson, but he can only stir it bad.”




Allen Iverson

Allen IversonNo list would be complete without some Allen Iverson. We present, for your consideration, the lyrics to his single, 40 Bars

(If you’re wondering who this Jewelz fellow is, that would AI’s alter ego):

For the year 2G the rap game change for one name
Jewelz aim to slain anything on this plane
Remains are found when the best kept secret get heated
You went platinum wit a ghost writer,
so in the game you won you cheated
My slang bang when you need it
You man enuff to pull a gun be man enuff to squeeze it
(*gunshots*) Die if you don’t believe it
Anything to do wit millions I’ma be wit it
Hats off to the hardcore niggaz FUCK the rest
In my guess y’all useless, just talkin music
Never mistake me for a fake MC
You got the wrong idea nigga I’m CT fool
Get murdered in a second in the first degree
Come to me wit faggot tendacies
You’ll be sleepin where the maggots be
Ain’t nuthin kinda used to beef actually
but when it’s on I raise first automatically
Won’t catch me as a victim and a rap casualty
Dynasty Raiders hit VA in the summertime
Ten Bentleys in one line
Gats in each hand, twin 45’s in mines
Snipers hittin niggaz long distance for a rate
Sons and daughters, one order you’ll be floatin in water
Bad news home of the Dynasty Raiders
One luv to the ol school niggaz
They in the jail tryin to raise us
Even the ones that tried to blaze us
but couldn’t even graze us
See dem bitch azz niggaz y’all killin don’t amaze us
Y’all slobbin I’m spittin wit a mouf full of rage
Everybody stay fly get money kill and fuck bitches
I’m hittin anything in plain view for my riches
VA’s finest fillin up ditches, when niggaz turn to bitches
die for zero digits; I’ma giant yall midgets
I know killaz that kill for a fee
that’ll kill yo’ ass for free, believe me
How you wanna die fast or slowly?
Fast as a rolie, slow as a rolie polie
I bought yo shit it was weak, trashed it now you owe me
All the hardcore niggas know me
I aint knockin, I’m jus gon’ bust up in the motherfucker
Takin anything that’s rightfully mines
Lust, AKs, rifles, and nines
Physique crew, thick designs
wit jewels that shine all the time
Ain’t nuthin sweet about this rate of mystique
Got niggas while you eat shit sleep and beat yo meat
die reachin fo heat, leave you leakin in da street
Niggas screamin he was a good boy ever since he was born
but fuck it he gon life must go on niggas don’t live that long
but hoes in wigs niggas that think they head strong
got niggas hollerin Jewelz dead wrong on this song

How about Mike Tyson you ask? We think he’s just flat out nuts, but we’ll leave you with this: “I am the most ruthless, brutal champion ever. There is no one who can match me. I want your heart. I want to eat your children.”

Happy Festivus. A Gift Has Been Made On Your Behalf To The Human Fund

December 23rd, 2009 by InfectedTube

Happy Festivus

Happy Festivus

Via PrayingToDarwin