(If we missed any, let us know in the comments…)

Randy Moss
In 2005, Minnesota’s controversial wide receiver was fined $10,000 by the NFL for pretending to pull down his pants and moon the Green Bay crowd during a playoff win last weekend. When confronted by a reporter, the following exchange occurred:
Reporter: “Write the check yet, Randy?”

Moss: “When you’re rich you don’t write checks.”

Reporter: “If you don’t write checks, how do you pay these guys?”

Moss: “Straight cash, homey.”

Reporter: “Randy, are you upset about the fine?”

Moss: “No, cause it ain’t shit. Ain’t nothing but 10 grand. What’s 10 grand to me? Ain’t shit … Next time I might shake my dick.”

Lattrell Sprewell

Noted coach-choker Lattrell Sprewell neared the end of his career in Minnesota (where Randy Moss happened to be playing at the time…coincidence?). When it was time for a new contract Sprewell balked.

On October 31, 2004, the Minnesota Timberwolves offered Sprewell a 3-year, $21 million contract extension, substantially less than what his then-current contract paid him. Insulted, he publicly vented his outrage, declaring, “I have a family to feed.”

Funny thing happened after that…he never played basketball again, for any money. Turns out he could have used that $21 million dollars:

Sprewell’s personal life since he last played in the NBA has been plagued with controversy and financial trouble.

On August 30, 2006, Milwaukee police investigated a claim by a 21-year-old female who claimed that she and Sprewell were having consensual sex aboard his 70-foot (21 m) yacht, named “Milwaukee’s Best,” when Sprewell began to strangle her. Police allegedly observed red marks on the woman’s neck. Police investigating the allegation searched Sprewell’s yacht for evidence. On September 6, 2006, police indicated that he would not face any charges from the alleged incident. Sprewell is seeking a restraining order against the woman along with “civil remedies” against the accuser.

On January 31, 2007, Sprewell’s long term companion sued him for $200 million for ending their relationship agreement. She claims Sprewell agreed to support her and their four children since they were in college

On August 22, 2007, it was reported by multiple news agencies that Latrell Sprewell’s yacht was repossessed by federal marshals after Sprewell failed to maintain payments and insurance for the vessel, for which he reportedly still owed approximately $1.3 million. In addition, while piloted by Sprewell, the yacht was run ashore near Atwater Beach, just north of Milwaukee. Sprewell refused to contract with a professional salvage firm to remove the yacht. The yacht was eventually freed with the help of a local fishing vessel.

In February 2008, Sprewell’s yacht was auctioned for $856,000 after he defaulted on a $1.5 million mortgage, and in May 2008 a Milwaukee area home owned by Sprewell went into foreclosure status. In July 2009 a Westchester mansion owned by Sprewell went into foreclosure status. That action was dismissed on motion of another party’s attorney, Roger K. Marion.

Floyd Mayweather Jr.
Where do we even begin with Mr. Mayweather. Here we have a boxer who refused to fight Manny Pacquiao, in what would clearly be the biggest draw for that dying sport. Mayweather clearly is afraid of losing. So let’s review. Boxer. Bitch. Ignorant Ass. Stick with us here, because it all comes together. See Mayweather is on some sort of anti-performance enhancing drug mission, only he wasn’t on it until the idea of boxing against Pacquiao came up. Let’s go to a quote from The Examiner for an explanation of this mess (we promise the context is worth reading before we get to Mayweather’s quote): “If Floyd was so dedicated to equality in Boxing then why did it take him 40 fights, and 14 years after he turned pro, to start demanding equality? I’ve never heard Floyd demand Boxing, and the different Athletic Commissions, to add Steroids to their drug testing before they did. In fact, up until his encounter with Pacquiao, I never heard Floyd publicly “beat the drums” for any type of drug to be tested or any style of drug testing. And, according to Keith Kizer Executive Director of the Nevada State Athletic Commission, he has never petitioned the NSAC to make any changes even after his public outcry toward Pacquiao. loyd’s demands for Pacquiao to take the test are baseless. Pacquiao’s never tested positive for anything, and Floyd has never demanded any other fighter take additional blood tests before this Pacquiao encounter.”

And now, the Pièce de résistance:  “But it’s me taking a stand for something that means something. And it’s for the fighters who are up and coming. It’s sort of the same stance Martin Luther King and Malcolm X made, so we could have freedoms, so everybody could tell the world that we’re equal. The only thing I’m saying is that we are equal. So if you’re not on nothing and I’m not on nothing, then let’s go take the test. That’s all I’m saying.”

John Rocker

Noted racist/pitcher John Rocker played baseball in Atlanta, which is the ‘capital of the New South,’ a place that’s supposedly too busy to hate. Apparently John Rocker never got the memo.  When Sports Illustrated asked him about playing ball games outside of Dixie, in New York City in particular he let loose:

“I’d retire first. It’s the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark looking like you’re riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple  hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing… The biggest thing I don’t like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians  and Koreans  and Vietnamese  and Indians  and Russians  and Spanish  people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?”

Rocker eventually apologized. But apparently he got sick of apologizing: ““I know Hank [ Aaron ] and Jackie [ Robinson ] took a good deal of crap, but I guarantee it wasn’t for six years. I just keep thinking: How much am I supposed to take?”

Reggie Jackson

Reggie Jackson, Mr. October, managed to spout something offensive/egotistical/insane nearly every time he opened his mouth.  Here are three of our favorites:

“After Jackie Robinson the most important black in baseball history is Reggie Jackson, I really mean that.”

“The only reason I don’t like playing in the World Series is I can’t watch myself play.”

“This team, it all flows from me. I’m the straw that stirs the drink. Maybe I should say me and Munson, but he can only stir it bad.”

Allen Iverson

No list would be complete without some Allen Iverson. We present, for your consideration, the lyrics to his single, 40 Bars

(If you’re wondering who this Jewelz fellow is, that would AI’s alter ego):

For the year 2G the rap game change for one name
Jewelz aim to slain anything on this plane
Remains are found when the best kept secret get heated
You went platinum wit a ghost writer,
so in the game you won you cheated
My slang bang when you need it
You man enuff to pull a gun be man enuff to squeeze it
(*gunshots*) Die if you don’t believe it
Anything to do wit millions I’ma be wit it
Hats off to the hardcore niggaz FUCK the rest
In my guess y’all useless, just talkin music
Never mistake me for a fake MC
You got the wrong idea nigga I’m CT fool
Get murdered in a second in the first degree
Come to me wit faggot tendacies
You’ll be sleepin where the maggots be
Ain’t nuthin kinda used to beef actually
but when it’s on I raise first automatically
Won’t catch me as a victim and a rap casualty
Dynasty Raiders hit VA in the summertime
Ten Bentleys in one line
Gats in each hand, twin 45′s in mines
Snipers hittin niggaz long distance for a rate
Sons and daughters, one order you’ll be floatin in water
Bad news home of the Dynasty Raiders
One luv to the ol school niggaz
They in the jail tryin to raise us
Even the ones that tried to blaze us
but couldn’t even graze us
See dem bitch azz niggaz y’all killin don’t amaze us
Y’all slobbin I’m spittin wit a mouf full of rage
(DIS MY NIGGA JEWELS REPRESENTIN BAD NEWS
YO MY HOMIE SAY DAT SHIT)
Everybody stay fly get money kill and fuck bitches
I’m hittin anything in plain view for my riches
VA’s finest fillin up ditches, when niggaz turn to bitches
die for zero digits; I’ma giant yall midgets
I know killaz that kill for a fee
that’ll kill yo’ ass for free, believe me
How you wanna die fast or slowly?
Fast as a rolie, slow as a rolie polie
I bought yo shit it was weak, trashed it now you owe me
All the hardcore niggas know me
I aint knockin, I’m jus gon’ bust up in the motherfucker
Takin anything that’s rightfully mines
Lust, AKs, rifles, and nines
Physique crew, thick designs
wit jewels that shine all the time
Ain’t nuthin sweet about this rate of mystique
Got niggas while you eat shit sleep and beat yo meat
die reachin fo heat, leave you leakin in da street
Niggas screamin he was a good boy ever since he was born
but fuck it he gon life must go on niggas don’t live that long
but hoes in wigs niggas that think they head strong
got niggas hollerin Jewelz dead wrong on this song
THIS TYPE OF MURDA DONT NEED NO HOOK
JUST FORTY FUCKIN BARS FROM DA MOUF OF A CROOK!!!
YO!!

How about Mike Tyson you ask? We think he’s just flat out nuts, but we’ll leave you with this: “I am the most ruthless, brutal champion ever. There is no one who can match me. I want your heart. I want to eat your children.”

Tiger Woods Caught Texting A Lady-friend? With His Wife By His Side?

TMZ, the source, has been all over this story.

Apparently we were too quick to put that second list together because Soulja Boy aka Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em has gone and gotten himself a Lamborghini Diamond Chain. But wait, there’s more. The chain comes off, and can be controlled with a remote control, making it possibly the most expensive toy-car/jewelry every produced.

RapRadar had this to say:

Now, I’ve never been one to clock another man’s paper, but I think it’s time for an intervention. A diamond encrusted toy car? I mean, really. You’re 19-years-old DeAndre. You know, an adult. Now would probably be a good time time to start acting like one. Yes, you’re entitled to spend your money however want, but as a public figure, your prodigal habits help perpetuate stereotypes regarding Blacks and finance. Hey, I’m no Suze Orman, but at least I’m smart enough to know the difference between guns and butter.

Well, what do you expect for a video entitled (by its author, on his own YouTube account) rich nigga shit pt. 6

Coed Magazine keeps it classy with their description:

Based upon this video, it would seem the late Michael Jackson has been reincarnated in the form of a 1980’s Nintendo video game character, where his dancing and moonwalking skills come in surprisingly handy. Plus, it appears he did make it into heaven – now kids can play with him all day long. (Too soon? Nope!)

intransitive verb
1 : to talk in a noisy, excited, or declamatory manner
2 : to scold vehemently

transitive verb : to utter in a bombastic declamatory fashion

In that spirit, we at Infected Tube have put together this classic collection that we’re calling The Best Rants Of All Time Caught On Video

When Michael Jackson passed away, and the media fawned over the recently deceased, one belligerent little Congressman decided that he had had enough – “Congressman Pete King feels that we should be honoring the good men and women of our country who have dedicated their lives to helping others and serving our country not Michael Jackson.” OK. Sure.

In this infamous clip, Christian Bale absolutely flips his shit on the set of Terminator Salvation when a member of the crew interrupts the deep concentration that playing such a serious role in a work of art such as Terminator Salvation requires:

Once upon a time there was an Inside Edition anchor named Bill O’Reilly. Today he’s the leading voice of Fox News, and sometimes goes by the name of Papa Bear. But many years ago, he had a run-in with a teleprompter that shook him to the core. Without further adieu, let’s do it live!

On the topic of Papa Bear, Stephen Colbert unearthed some more footage of this infamous meltdown:
A couple years ago, Alec Baldwin decided that he had taken enough crap from his ‘rude thoughtless pig’ of a 12 year old daughter. So he left her this voicemail:

In this infamous clip that somehow found its way off the set of I Heart Huckabees, actress Lily Tomlin and director David O. Russell unload on each other:

When Dennis Green, then coach of the Arizona Cardinals, watched his team let a victory over the bears slip away, he lost his cool. To think, the Bears were who they thought they were, and then…they let them off the hook:

Denny Green isn’t the only football coach who list his shit during a post game press conference. When a reporter asked Jim Mora about the possibility of the playoffs for the Colts, he was, well, befuddled. The classic rant was later immortalized in this Coors Light Commercial.

Rick Santelli, reporting for CNBC from the pits of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange, rants about…homeowners defaulting on mortgages…tea parties…who knows. America, Fuck Yeah!

When MTV didn’t give Kanye West the awards that the autotuned Gay Fish felt he was entitled to, well that was just too much:

You don’t need to be a celebrity to record a world famous rant in the age of the Internets…Let’s be honest, who actually knows the name of the Leave Britney Alone ranter:

Michael Richards, better known as Cosmo Kramer, lost it one sad, sad night at the Laugh Factory in 2006. Real? A Joke? Racist? We report. You decide. Or something:

Henry Rollins – America Is Under Attack. In the grand tradition of musicians making political statements, Henry Rollins goes absolutely nuts on everyone who is screwing up America.

Keeping in the spirit of our medium, we present to you another CNBC correspondent, a dweeby looking man named Dennis Kneale who–bless his sad, small brain–realized he could call bloggers Digital Dickweeds on air and get away with it. Of course we later learned that the whole thing was an act–perhaps he wasn’t as stupid as he looked and sounded–meant to attract viewers and the all important ratings. Keep it classy Dennis:

We’ll close with a fictional rant, by one Howard Beale (played by Peter Finch), in the masterpiece 1976 film Network, written by Paddy Chayefsky and directed by Sidney Lumet. He was, Mad As Hell, And He Wasn’t Going To Take It Anymore:

Want more? Check out YouTube playlists dedicated to ‘Meltdowns caught on tape.’

Says The Superficial:

Gina Gershon stars in a spoof campaign video released today for McCain running mate Governor Sarah Palin. If you haven’t seen it, I don’t want to give away the ending but Gina Gershon strips down to a bikini and fires a shotgun. Somebody get this woman an Oscar. All of them. In the meantime, I wrote a blurb for the DVD cover:

“I laughed till I cried. Then I laughed some more – followed by more crying then laughing. Then I did what I call a ‘cry-augh.’ At which point I felt confident my co-workers couldn’t figure out I was masturbating.” – The Superficial Writer

P.S. – Check out John McCain on a yacht with actress Anne Hathaway and convicted con-man Raffaello Follieri.

Then he had a baby out of wedlock, and now he’s taking another hit to his image.

The latest incident is rumors that Brady and supermodel girlfriend were caught on tape getting a little too familiar with each other in the wine cellar of a Manhattan restaurant.

According to the New York Post, the Pats QB and girlfriend Gisele Bundchen were in the private wine cellar of a trendy Manhattan restaurant called Phillippe.

A source told the Post that celebrities routinely use that room to “hook up”.

Well, apparently there’s a security camera down there and a couple of restaurant employees claim they’ve seen the tape of Tom and Gisele “hooking up” as well.

These same sources told the paper they’ve seen tape of other celebrities like Sean P-Diddy Combs and actress Sienna Miller in wine cellar doing the same thing.

A histrionic gay, Southern teen calling himself Chris Crocker sobbed and shrieked in a raw, impassioned defense of a fallen pop princess. With more than 18 million downloads, the popularity of this video confirms either A) that audiences share Crocker’s rage against the media machine that documents Britney Spears’ every gaffe or B) that anonymous drama queens are just as entertaining as pop-star train wrecks. Since Crocker just nabbed a reality show off the buzz from the video, we’re voting for B.

#2 The Landlord

In a revolutionary 2 minutes and 25 seconds, The Landlord made the web safe for A-listers. This comic update of the classic feudal struggle between lord and vassal includes such Web-friendly touches as profanity, a cute kid and a guy with funny-looking hair. That the guy with funny-looking hair is movie star Will Ferrell and that the clip is funnier than 99% of all the Youtube videos in the “comedy” category explains this short’s nearly 50 million downloads.

#3 Miss South Carolina Teen USA

During the Miss Teen USA pageant’s Q & A segment, the contestant from South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton, was asked why Americans are unable to locate the U.S. on a map. In a cringe-inducing ramble, she provided a kind of performance art response to the question: because Americans, like Upton, are stupid. She began, “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps,” and went on to reference “the Iraq” and “Asian countries,” The only redemption for U.S. Americans was the sweetly empathetic look on the face of pageant host Mario Lopez as he held the teen’s microphone. Stupid, yes, but nice.

#4 Hillary 1984

Posted on YouTube by someone calling himself Park Ridge-47, this attack ad changed the rules of political engagement in Election 2008. The video mashes together a classic 1984 Apple ad with recent footage of Hillary Clinton giving a speech. Clinton is portrayed as a Big Brother character and Democratic voters as zombie-like followers. The tag line touts Barack Obama as an alternative to Clinton. Park Ridge-47 turned out to be an employee of an online communications firm that had worked with the Obama campaign. In the Youtube era, who needs PACs and Swift Boaters? The lone wolf political attack ad is born.

#5 Prison inmates Thriller video

Orange-jumpsuited accused murderers, rapists and drug dealers paid homage to Michael Jackson’s Thriller in a dance performance filmed at the Cebu Detention and Rehabilitation Center in the Philippines. Questions arose about whether the 1,500 Filipino jailhouse rockers were enjoying some well-choreographed creative expression or suffering abuse at the hands of prison officials with MTV aspirations. The only thing certain is that Vincent Price was right when he said, “No mere mortal can resist the evil of the Thriller:” The video has been downloaded more than 9 million times.

#6 I Ran So Far
NBC Doesn’t Let You Embed Videos — LAME

Saturday Night Live’s web hitmaker Andy Samberg delivers another musical tribute, this one to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. As Samberg croons at the piano, castmate Fred Armisen dons the Iranian president’s trademark beard and gray suit and the two men dance and romance, debunking Ahmadinejad’s claim that there are no homosexuals in Iran. This digital ditty is as inspired as Samberg’s last hit, Dick in a Box, and (a bit) more culturally relevant.

#7 Can’t Tase This

After video of University of Florida student Andrew Meyer being Tasered at a forum for John Kerry prompted an outcry to ban the electroshock weapon’s use, YouTubers picked up the cause. One light-hearted Taser tribute video mixes audio of Meyer’s cries of pain and “Don’t Tase me, bro” with the video for MC Hammer’s 1990 pop anthem U Can’t Touch This. The result is electric.

#8 Dan Rather Collar Up

In the 18 months since Dan Rather left CBS, the newsman has sued his old network for $70 million and described successor Katie Couric’s broadcast as “dumbing it down and tarting it up.” So we hardly had time to miss him when this old video of Rather obsessing over how to dress for a rooftop broadcast — Coat on or off? Collar up or down? — surfaced and made him look both dumb and tarty.

#9 Clark and Michael

Of the various web series clamoring for attention, this one got ours by delivering something we can’t get on TV since Arrested Development was canceled: a healthy dose of deadpan comedy wunderkind Michael Cera. In weekly webisodes, the co-star of Superbad and his friend and collaborator, Clark Duke, play two inept roommates trying to get their first television series produced. Think of it as The Office for the dubiously self-employed 20-something.

#10 Daft Hands

An impressive hand jive is performed to the tune “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” by French duo Daft Punk. There are seemingly endless pop culture entry-points to this vid: the song title references a line from the intro to the 70s TV show The Six Million Dollar Man and it is sampled in Kanye West’s new album. But the video’s real virtue is its do-it-yourselfer simplicity. Daft Hands succeeds on the dexterity of one man’s dukes.

(via Time Mag)