When George Costanza uttered the words “the sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli” the world was forever changed. Now witness his monologue in elegant moving text.

Graphic designer Chris Crowl animated the 3D text using Adobe After Effects to create what you will surely agree is a beautiful and stylish rendering of the time George saved a beached whale and, for one brief shining moment, was a marine biologist.

In the midst of a staggering obesity epidemic in the US, KFC has doubled down on a high-calorie menu choice. KFC is now offering a “sandwich” which consists of bacon, two kinds of cheeses and sauce between two pieces of fried chicken. That’s right, fried chicken as a bun instead of bread.

But if our figures hold true, and KFC won’t confirm they don’t, the Double Down is more caloriffic than the Wendy’s Triple with Everything and Cheese (1700 mg sodium, 960 calories, 26 gms of fat), the Burger King Stacker Quad (1770 sodium, 1020 calories, 69 gms of fat), and compares closely to the fat, salt and calorie totals of three McDonalds Big Macs put together (3060 sodium, 1620 calories, 87 gms fat).

Some details:

The YouTube video, which is titled JK Divorce Entrance Dance, was posted by NYVideoProduction on Wednesday, and– like its predecessor– is racking up the views. In the description, the company says, “We’ve all seen the JK Wedding Entrance Dance. Now let’s see what happens 6 months later!”
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The new, parody version—which is also done to Brown’s ‘Forever’— is set not in a church, but in a courtroom instead. It’s complete with lawyers, bailiffs, a judge, and of course the not-so-happy couple— all of whom dance their way to the front of the courtroom. Don’t worry—the groom’s flip, as seen in the original, is still included.

When the music slows, the bride and groom climb up onto tables and appear to fight in slow motion, as do a female ‘court reporter’ and another woman who appears to be a witness. The ladies engage in some hair pulling— all in slow motion, of course.

Catch the original on Infected Tube.

Gawker breaks down the madness:

With Glenn Beck running loose spouting all sorts of crazy-talk, you just knew at some point he’d say something to cause enough of an uproar that the Fox News brass would have to address it. Beck finally did that today.

The incident in question occurred this morning on Fox & Friends when Beck made his weekly drop-in on the folksy vegetables who host that show. In the course of discussing the controversy surrounding the arrest of Henry Louis Gates and Barack Obama’s subsequent comments on the matter, Beck said that Obama has a “deep-seeded hatred for white people and white culture…I’m not saying he doesn’t like white people…this guy is, I believe, a racist.”

Fox News then released this statement:

During Fox & Friends this morning, Glenn Beck expressed a personal opinion which represented his own views, not those of the Fox News Channel. And as with all commentators in the cable news arena, he is given the freedom to express his opinions.

Gawker cut to the heart of the lunacy: “So in other words, Fox News said this: Glenn Beck is free to use our airwaves to say whatever the hell he wants, no matter how baseless and irresponsible the things he says may be, and will you now please leave us the hell alone.”

Is Sarah Palin secretly a beat poet? Do her words make little to no sense because she is so immersed in language and lyrics that she operates on a plane we cannot grasp? We sincerely doubt it, but that was the implication last night as William Shatner appeared on the “Tonight Show” and read Sarah’s resignation speech in his typical Shatner way, with all the lilting and soft drum beats we’ve come to expect. It was quite magical.

intransitive verb
1 : to talk in a noisy, excited, or declamatory manner
2 : to scold vehemently

transitive verb : to utter in a bombastic declamatory fashion

In that spirit, we at Infected Tube have put together this classic collection that we’re calling The Best Rants Of All Time Caught On Video

When Michael Jackson passed away, and the media fawned over the recently deceased, one belligerent little Congressman decided that he had had enough – “Congressman Pete King feels that we should be honoring the good men and women of our country who have dedicated their lives to helping others and serving our country not Michael Jackson.” OK. Sure.

In this infamous clip, Christian Bale absolutely flips his shit on the set of Terminator Salvation when a member of the crew interrupts the deep concentration that playing such a serious role in a work of art such as Terminator Salvation requires:

Once upon a time there was an Inside Edition anchor named Bill O’Reilly. Today he’s the leading voice of Fox News, and sometimes goes by the name of Papa Bear. But many years ago, he had a run-in with a teleprompter that shook him to the core. Without further adieu, let’s do it live!

On the topic of Papa Bear, Stephen Colbert unearthed some more footage of this infamous meltdown:
A couple years ago, Alec Baldwin decided that he had taken enough crap from his ‘rude thoughtless pig’ of a 12 year old daughter. So he left her this voicemail:

In this infamous clip that somehow found its way off the set of I Heart Huckabees, actress Lily Tomlin and director David O. Russell unload on each other:

When Dennis Green, then coach of the Arizona Cardinals, watched his team let a victory over the bears slip away, he lost his cool. To think, the Bears were who they thought they were, and then…they let them off the hook:

Denny Green isn’t the only football coach who list his shit during a post game press conference. When a reporter asked Jim Mora about the possibility of the playoffs for the Colts, he was, well, befuddled. The classic rant was later immortalized in this Coors Light Commercial.

Rick Santelli, reporting for CNBC from the pits of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange, rants about…homeowners defaulting on mortgages…tea parties…who knows. America, Fuck Yeah!

When MTV didn’t give Kanye West the awards that the autotuned Gay Fish felt he was entitled to, well that was just too much:

You don’t need to be a celebrity to record a world famous rant in the age of the Internets…Let’s be honest, who actually knows the name of the Leave Britney Alone ranter:

Michael Richards, better known as Cosmo Kramer, lost it one sad, sad night at the Laugh Factory in 2006. Real? A Joke? Racist? We report. You decide. Or something:

Henry Rollins – America Is Under Attack. In the grand tradition of musicians making political statements, Henry Rollins goes absolutely nuts on everyone who is screwing up America.

Keeping in the spirit of our medium, we present to you another CNBC correspondent, a dweeby looking man named Dennis Kneale who–bless his sad, small brain–realized he could call bloggers Digital Dickweeds on air and get away with it. Of course we later learned that the whole thing was an act–perhaps he wasn’t as stupid as he looked and sounded–meant to attract viewers and the all important ratings. Keep it classy Dennis:

We’ll close with a fictional rant, by one Howard Beale (played by Peter Finch), in the masterpiece 1976 film Network, written by Paddy Chayefsky and directed by Sidney Lumet. He was, Mad As Hell, And He Wasn’t Going To Take It Anymore:

Want more? Check out YouTube playlists dedicated to ‘Meltdowns caught on tape.’

After addressing the audience, Jackson went into his routine. Wearing black pants, leather penny loafers and a single white rhinestone glove, Jackson snapped a fedora to his head and struck a pose—his right hand on his hat and his left leg bent. Throwing the hat aside, Jackson lip-synched to “Billie Jean”. Then, during a musical interlude, the singer executed a move which many claim to have sealed his status as a pop icon. Gliding backwards, Jackson performed the moonwalk, before spinning on his heels and landing en pointe. It was the first time Jackson had performed the moonwalk in public, having practiced it in his kitchen prior to the show.

The program was watched by 50 million people and earned Jackson an Emmy nomination. With the performance Jackson reached a new audience and increased the sales of Thriller, which eventually became the biggest selling album in the world. The day after the show aired, Jackson was called by his childhood idol Fred Astaire who commended the singer. Another childhood idol, Sammy Davis Jr., later received Jackson’s black sequined jacket, having admired it during the performance.

Monkey on the Lam first appeared in August 2007 after a monkey escaped and went “on the lam” in Wisconsin. It has recurred occasionally, featuring stories of escaped monkeys, but mostly revolving around Colbert’s disappointment upon the discovery that whatever story is being profiled has been resolved and will not need follow up, giving him no excuse to use the graphic featuring a monkey riding a lamb and firing a gun. A “Lobster Edition” of the segment was also featured, using the same graphic.

“That’s not change,” Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., said of what Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., is offering.

“You know, you can put lipstick on a pig,” Obama said, “but it’s still a pig.”

Need some background info?

Rickrolling is an Internet meme involving the music video for the 1987 Rick Astley song “Never Gonna Give You Up”. The meme is a bait and switch: a person provides a Web link they claim is relevant to the topic at hand, but the link actually takes the user to the Astley video. The URL can be masked or obfuscated in some manner so that the user cannot determine the true source of the link without clicking (and thus satisfying their curiosity). When a person clicks on the link given and is led to the web page he/she is said to have been “Rickrolled”. By extension, it can also mean playing the song loudly in public in order to be disruptive.

“So I was talking to Jonathan Glenn, and then I was about to thank Jonathan Hunt…”

The Retarded John McCain Ad She Mocked:

Strange things happen during the swimming tune-up for Sydney!